I was in unusually good spirits today; it's so nice to have extended time off to catch up on things, and I find myself hoping that I won't get called right away when the kids go back to school, although, of course, that means less money. But, even now, I have lovely, quiet mornings as the kids sleep in late. I need that time, that space, that inner quiet.
The predicted flood never happened, and the kids -- my own and the neighborhood kids run in and out all day, with the dog in tow. There are times when life here seems almost idyllic. All I'd need to do is tie on an apron, and bake some cookies, and I'd be a stereotypical 1950s mom.
Instead, I read through a book that Trevor's been reading at school, and has wanted to talk about. His grades are abysmal, but he really is learning -- I wish his teachers had time to talk to him, just chat like I do with him, and they'd see his mind is just *full* of stuff.
Then, I spent quite a bit of time online today -- one of my many self-indulgences. On Beliefnet, I've still got a fundie following me around with the old "You're not a real Baha'i" bit, which I intend to ignore. We've got some new people on the Unenrolled Baha'is board, which has been fun. I'm just avoiding aggravation right now; I've had my fill of fundie-fighting. Not a word has been said on most forums about our most recent prophet -- a situation which has grown progressively uglier, and one that I'm staying clear out of.
There are times when I think I ought to just throw in the towel. I certainly don't get into debate as quickly as I once did. Comments that once would have been like waving a red flag in front of me, I just ignore. But, I always get hooked in one way or another, eventually. If I ever do sign off, it will be a gradual fading away. Nothing makes a person look sillier than repeated announcements that one is leaving. For one thing, nobody really cares that much if you do leave. Life goes on, but it seems human nature to think we are the center of the universe, and that our absence would leave a huge hole. I don't know, though -- I'm still a pretty talkative sort. :-) But so often the whole thing seems repetitive; I've already said most of what I wanted to say, and dragging through the same old arguments just doesn't seem worthwhile anymore. If I were more disciplined, I'd spend my time finishing my article and updating my website, and leave the forums alone. But I can't resist just one more check at what is going on, then I can't resist answering something, and pretty soon I've wasted a lot of time. There has been lots of chatter tonight; tomorrow I'll try to get focused.